As Mother’s Day approaches, I think about how much I deserve to be celebrated on this day. Last year I thought, Oh, heck yes. I carried a baby for 10 months, pushed her out of me, and balanced on the edge of insanity keeping her alive for almost a year. I deserve to be celebrated.
This year, I’m kind of drawing a blank as to why anyone should celebrate my mothering skills. I’m severely lacking in most life skills, and now I’m responsible for a human being. What comes easy to most people is a huge undertaking for me, like changing a light bulb, mailing packages, or returning phone calls and text messages in a timely manner.
When Ellis was immobile and less aware, I had lots of time to read up on baby care, weekly development, and mom tips. Today, I’m faced with numerous questions but no time to look into them, so I’m just shooting blindly into the dark and hope I’m on the right track. So for Mother’s Day, I’m listing all the ways I am failing as a mom, and to not beat myself up too much, my successes.
1. I’m not a good cook.
My daughter isn’t really a picky eater. Generally, if it tastes good to her, she’ll eat it. The problem is, what I prepare for her doesn’t always taste that great. And cooking stresses me out. Also, I’m terrible about meal planning and meal prep, so I’m usually rushing to throw something together for her to eat at last minute.
2. Cleaning is not my strong suit either.
The kitchen, the laundry, and vacuuming the floors. That’s basically all I manage to accomplish. My house is always a mess. I don’t know how to organize all of our stuff/junk, because once it’s out of sight, it’s out of mind, so everything clutters our counter tops which ironically stresses me out. I can’t stand clutter, but I don’t know how to make it go away. I don’t know how to treat stains, so basically if my daughter gets food on an outfit, it’s there for life. I can’t keep up with the bathrooms or changing out the sheets on our bed on a weekly basis. And did I mention our house is always a mess?
4. I have very little patience.
The smallest things can set me off. I’m like the Incredible Hulk with uncontrollable rage at the slightest provocation. This doesn’t pair well with me being bad at life in general when I am easily frustrated.
5. I let my daughter eat sweets and watch too much TV.
Two things I would NEVER do last year, and now they are daily occurrences. Trying to find a balance between being too uptight and too liberal is an everyday struggle.
And one thing I do right…
Something. I look at her and know I’m doing something right. Sometimes I think she could thrive even more with a more competent set of parents, but I don’t think we’re failing her completely. Every day I love her, I worry for her, and I try for her. That’s gotta be something, right?